ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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