All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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