Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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