Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
