Umm I'm too high to move.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
