never play flip cup with pint glasses
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
