I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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