There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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