I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
