Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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