Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
