Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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