Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize