I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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