just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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