i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
