Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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