There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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