Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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