Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
