He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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