I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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