I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
