How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
