Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
