Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
