My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
