rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
