I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
