could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
