He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
