fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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