so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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