I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
