Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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