no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
