i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My ass is underappreciated
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
