ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
