By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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