it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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