Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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