fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
