i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
