If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
