his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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