We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
