Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
