i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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