Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
