So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
