I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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