As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
