Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
