i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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