I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize