so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
