I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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