how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
