i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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