I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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