I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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