If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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