Just cropdusted the office
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
