I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
